Heal
by Jeniffer Artemis
Summary: He saw her through the crowd. He saw her striking emerald eyes. He vowed to protect her. Because she was so strong yet so fragile. Would you believe this love story?
1. Him and her

**This is my second story and I really hope everybody enjoys it as much as I enjoy writing it. **

**_italics_-flashback**

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" Mum?" I called as I crossed the threshold. The apartment was dead silent with only the faint sound of water, rushing. _Water , rushing. _I immediately ran towards the one and only bathroom in the apartment. " Mum!" I yelled throwing my backpack aside. Bursting into the bathroom I saw a scene that would haunt me later in the night. My mum was lying in the overflowing bathtub, her head below the water while blood mingled with the flooding bathroom. It was covered in blood. So much. Too much.

I immediately hauled my mum out of the tub and laid her gently on the floor. I did CPR while salty tears started slipping out of my eyes swimming away with the blood. " Mum! Mum! Wake up! Mum!" I kept yelling trying to get her back if she hadn't already left. This was not happening. It couldn't. Wouldn't. She won't leave me. I won't let her. Please. I cried and cried deep in my heart. Please, don't do this to me.

Finally, her eyes fluttered opened as she coughed out water. She looked so pale and frail as if just a touch from anyone would break her and she would never be healed. She would be gone. I couldn't do anything but hug her tightly while crying tears of relief. So tightly that she had to remind me to let go so that she could breathe. " Mum…" I whispered hoarsely. " You nearly died. You were nearly gone! Don't… please, don't ever put me through that again."

" I'm sorry, Sakura. I couldn't control myself." I wiped away the tears that were slowly sliding down her cheek and felt my heart ache for this broken woman that was my mother.

" Did you take the pills."

She bit her lips and didn't answer. She looked so guilty that I knew she didn't. Hot anger pooled and spread through my whole body. Pulsing red and scorching hot.

" How could you! Then what are the medicine for?"

" I… I just didn't want to use it up so fast. So that we don't have to pay for them again so soon." She said softly. " You're overworking yourself. Don't think that I didn't notice. I saw your face and the black shadows beneath the eyes."

" Mum, I'll find a way to pull through. There's still the insurance left and I can take another job." I knew the insurance was almost gone and truthfully that worries me. So far the insurance had supported us through everything. Our daily lives, the medical fees, the funeral, school and so on. But the medical bills were increasing and the school was talking about raising the fees so I really don't know how long the insurance would cover us.

My mother smiled. Guess she knows that too. " Don't worry, really. I'll get us through this." I smiled softly.

She looked so pained and guilty as she raised her eyes to mine and said " I'm so sorry Sakura. You have so much to bear and I'm really just adding weight to your burden."

" I don't mind. I honestly don't. Please, listen to me." I stared straight into her. " Keep yourself going. No matter how hard it is. No matter how tempting it is to let go. Do it for me if not for yourself. We'll live through this. When you get better and we have enough money, I'll take you to Italy. Haven't you always wanted to go there?" I pleaded and persuaded just to keep her with me and she replied with a nod.

" Now let's get you dry and in a warm bed."

I helped her change her wet clothes and bandaged her wounds that had stopped bleeding. After giving her the pills and an injection, I went to the bathroom and cleaned it up. Then, I made dinner. Which was omelette and left over rice. I left the food in the microwave and a note sticked to it to inform my mother about them.

Changing into a black turtleneck and a grey baggy pants, I left for the nightclub which I worked in with my backpack, after, once again, checking sure that mum was alright. I looked at the ebony curls that fanned onto the pillow and the long lashes that framed her closed emerald eyes, which was exactly like mine and nearly fell to the ground in tears. What had this dear, sweet woman done to deserve this? She did nothing wrong and yet she was falling.

I closed the door and left for the bus which took me to the nightclub downtown. Peach and Punks. After reaching the locker through the back door, I changed into my uniform which was a white shirt, a back vest and a black tie. I was allowed either dark coloured pants or skirts. Sighing, I closed the locker door and squared my shoulders and walked out. Prepared to face a long and hard night.

I pulled my long sleeves further down , until they covered my palm and only left my fingers. My whole body ached and I was hardly able to climb out of bed this morning because of last night's beating. Nadeshiko had had another one of her fits.

_She slammed me into the wall and pain burst over all of my body. I blinked furiously to try to keep my vision clear and was just in time to block the incoming plate with my arm. The plate break upon contact and my arm started to bleed. I bit my lip to keep from crying out with the added wound. Mum stood before me her eyes wild and her expression contorted in fury and grief. " Why!" She screamed with all she had at me, another plate in her hands. _

_She was preparing to smash me with it again. I made my body stand, ignoring the lava of agony that was coursing through my body and tried to wrestle the plate out of her hand. She was stubborn and wouldn't let go. We fought with each other while tears dripped. " I don't know either!" I screamed back at her. Gazing at her hate filled eyes, I whispered, brokenly," I don't know either…I really wish I do." _

_At last, all that was left was her grief and the plate dropped and was cracked and chipped. Just like us. Almost broken but still trying to keep it together. Fighting hard to remain sane in the dark._

_She fell onto the floor and I slid down using the wall as a support. Nadeshiko was sobbing hysterically as I closed my eyes and let the tears flow._

" _I'm so sorry, Sakura." I opened my eyes and gazed at her through the film of my tears._

_Nodding, I said, gently " I know." And hugged her. She was my mother. She was everything I had and all that was left._

I was wearing a white turtleneck and jeans to school. They were enough to cover the bruises and cuts and also my arm.

I shuffled along to the gates of the University of Tokyo. There was a commotion near the gates and I looked up to see a pack of hungry fan girls surrounding the school's hottest and of course, most popular guy.

He had warm chocolate brown hair, deep amber eyes and a killer body. Tall, lean, handsome, filthy rich, smart and cool. He was the prince charming of every girl's dreams.

He was Li Syaoran.

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**Please review if you value my sanity! **

**I'll upload a.s.a.p but it will be awhile though I have my year end exam in October.**


	2. I am wounded

**I would like to apologise first for being late on updating. Basically I was just lazy so, forgive me? *puppy dog eyes* And as a WARNING there are quite some FOUL LANGUAGE here so I'm sorry if it bothers you. If you don't like it, don't read. There, that's all and please enjoy it ^^**

I scoffed at the pitiful girls, fawning over him while he scowled and tried to elbow his way out of them. The pure reasons for their admirance was shallow. Did they even know his real personality? Have they ever thought that he may be a pathetic psycho bastard? Guess not. What they saw were purely on the surface and their own assumption of how he is.

Rolling my eyes, I continued my way into the campus and to my locker in block C, on the right of the main building which was facing the main gates. It was just my luck, that Li was heading towards his locker right down the end of the hall, making him needing to pass me, to get there. My ears were heavily damaged from the screaming of the girls and I prayed that I wouldn't be deft soon. The locker door slammed shut as I made a quick escape with my books almost falling out of my backpack and my sneakers squeaking noisily.

Operation-trying-to-sleep-without-the-professor-noticing was not going so well. Evrerytime the professor _almost_ - and note the almost- glances my way I jerk back up from the slumping position I was in and then turned back into the lump of goo on the table when the professor's eyes headed the other way. I swear he does that to torture me! Why is the world so cruel? Its not my fault that Maths is so boring. I can hardly understand what he's saying. It's all Einstein's fault. Those squigglish thing on the whiteboard was not making any sense. Must be alien language. Hey, wait, maybe the prefessor _is_ an alien in disguise! Huh… what am I saying… Oh forget it. I'll go back to sleep.

I am a double-major student in arts and psychology and those are the only classes I enjoy. Because of my night time job and the occasional fits from Nadeshiko, I don't get much sleep. Recently, I've taken a job in a book shop in central town. The job was mainly arranging books, sticking on the price tags, cleaning and sometimes, when the owner is away, being the cashier. It had helped a lot with the finances and the time was flexible so I can arrange it to fit with my uni schedule. So basicaly, during the day I worked in Book House( the book shop), in the evening I went back to rest and maybe help out a bit then, in the night was Peach and Punks.

"One gin&tonic ,please, with a dash of vodka, and another sweet sheery." The man infront of me said. He smelled strongly of alcohol and he was drooling, his eyes glazed over. Guess, I would have to tell Yuhinako-san about him. She's the manager and she'll deal with him. Maybe call a taxi for him or have the bouncers take care of him. In the end, the bouncer did their job. He was too hard to handle for Yu-san.

"One Cotton's Pinch Merlot please. Make it fast and I'll double the tips." Who does he think he is? As if I would care that much about his tips! How rude! I swear, men these days don't know anything about manners. Looking up, I instantly got sucked into endless amber eyes. So deep that the amber slowly turned to ochre yellow then light brown then a shade darker and darker until it was black. Slowly I noticed the other features. Straight nose, strong jaw, beautiful and soft lips that every girl should dream about smooching. It was Li Syaoran! Dear God, have I been sinning or have I done something that pissed you off badly? Cause I definitely don't deserve a luck so bad.

I quickly looked back down again and continued wiping the glasses.

"Well, what are you waiting for? Get going. I need it right now!"

I gritted my teeth and proceeded to prepare his drink.

" You're really slow you know. Speed it up."

I bit my lip so hard that it almost bleed and added a bit more whiskey than usual. Serves him right! I honestly think he has anger management problems but with his family background they should be able to find someone that can cure him. Maybe he's as sweet as a little lamb infront of his dear Mama. Tch!

Syaoran's POV

The moment the girl looked up, I saw the most perfect eyes I've ever seen. It was bright, sparkling emerald and changes shades everytime I look at it. As if it was magic. I was mesmerised and I felt my self melting into them, being pulled inside. It was a queer sensation. Finally I was brought back to earth when she broke eye contact. I started noticing her auburn hair with a few lighter streaks and her slim figure. She wasn't considered tall, about 165 to 170, about 3 quarters of a head shorter than me. I got a sudden urge to get to know her. Her name tag said Kinomoto.

" So, how old are you? You don't look a day over 16." She froze slightly before deciding to ignore me.

" Aw, come on. You do attend college or university don't you?" She continued ignoring me with utmost manners. I kept quiet and downed my drink in one gulp. Ugh, I grimaced before setting the glass countertop. Her eyebrows raised for a moment before the corner of her mouth twitch. So, she does have emotions. I glanced at my watch and felt my eyes nearly falling out of their sockets. It was 12 already! Mother's so going to kill me! I bid a hurried goodbye before rushing out of the pub towards my car, all the while pondering about the Kinomoto girl.

Sakura's POV

Thank god he's left. He wasn't the most pleasant company one could have. Well, except his fans which is practically the whole Asia and I could bet a few other western countries too. He's the heir to the world famous Li Enterprise, and he has started taking over the company so the papers say. His face is basically plastered to every front page. Imagine walking on the streets and seeing his flashy grin everywhere. Ew, I'll pass.

His presence made me itch all over. The rest of the night flashed by in a blur because all I could think of was that deep amber eyes of his. Damn! I sound like one of those obsessed fan girls of his. People like him would never notice people like me. We were meant to be invisible and humble while they ruled us like tyrant king and queens.

Well, tell you what, I don't like it one bit. In fact, I loathe it with all my heart. What's the deal with whether you wear latest fashion or have the beast abs in the whole school? What I wear is my choice and has nothing to do with them and besides, abs are so artificial. Though some may think them sexy.

The next day at school was hard too. I worked a very late shift last night, until 4.00 a.m. and classes started at 8.00 a.m. There was a basketball competition in the afternoon and the school was buzzing with excitement. I wasn't planning to watch cause I wanted to listen to lovely music in my later years so being deft was definitely not an option.

Li was the captain of the basketball and swim team. And always there are girls at the court or pool, salivating a whole pacific worth of drool. Seriously, I have begun to doubt the girls have dignity.

The bell rang and I quickly dashed to the other side of the campus which so luckily happened to be where my lecturing hall is. Shit, why did I oversleep again?

A sudden impact had my books flying out of my hand and me crashing to the floor. I heard some high-pitched screaming before the pain seared up my spine. " Sorry." I murmured as I hurriedly started gathering my books, ignoring the pain, alarm bells clashing deafeningly inside my head. Only some people can manage a scream like that.

"You filthy bitch! Look what you did to Mikaru-sama! Apologise!" someone screeched. I looked up and saw the school's evil Queen Bee a.k.a. the wicked witch of the west. Minus the hooked nose and the robes, she is everything like her. Ninato Mikaru. Leader of the evil pack of popular blonde dimwits Well most of them aren't really blonde and probably had a million plastic surgeries to have the basketball-sized fronts and long long legs. In short they are a bag of plastics plus their non-existence brains. Boys would fight over them.

" I said sorry already , ok?"

The books were stacked up already but it fell to the ground again as one of them kicked me from the back with her 8 inch heels. It hurt! Damn it! That was the place where Nadeshiko whipped me last night. I don't know how she could have managed to find my belt which I had hidden behind the ceiling. There were welts all over my body when she finished. Nadeshiko was very sorry and had bandaged them but they were still fresh!

I gritted my teeth to keep myself from crying out loud as I felt blood soaking up the bandages. Hot burst of pain invaded my senses as I stayed on the ground unable to couldn't move an inch. Someone from above my sneered.

" Now, beg. Beg Mikaru-sama to forgive you or you'll face things worse than hell!"

I wouldn't say it so they started hitting me. It hurt! Damn! It hurt. A scream escaped me as they slapped, kickedand hit some scars. Oh god, it was agony, my vision greyed and I felt horribly queasy.

" Beg!" I couldn't stand it. There was a limit to how much pain one could take so I exploded.

" You slutty bitches!" I screamed at them.

" What the fuck do you take me as? Huh? Just because you can go seducing the principal to keep yourself from being expelled doesn't mean that you can bitch me around! You assholes!" I almost laughed at the shocked look they gave me. Almost. Because the next second I had doubled over when the few scars near my right upper tight was hit. Their expresssions of surprise and fury were rewarding enough and it lasted me through the next few hit but, unfortunately wasn't enough.

In the end, before I could black out, they told me to beg and I had to. I couldn't afford to black out nor bear the excruciating pain anymore. The pain was horrible, wrecking through my body like a high speed train smashing my insides. So, I threw away my pride, dignity and begged.

" Please! Please! Forgive me. I was wrong! I was wrong! Please! Stop it. Please! I'm sorry." Tears fell and blood seeped from my countless wounds with each word I uttered to beg for my life. Pathetic.

" So, who's the fucking bitch now?"

" I am. I am! Please!" I whispered not much strength left.

The girls laughed hearing me plead repeatedly but then the laughter suddenly turned to squeals.

" Li-sama!"

" Oh my gosh! It's Li-sama!"

Just my luck. Another asshole. At least his presence helped me. I tried to get up while they were preoccupied but hissed when pain shot up my spine. I couldn't move, not without the feeling of getting hit all over again. After another few tries, I finally slumped back to the floor deciding on standing later when it would feel slightly better and trying to stop the tears and wiped away the blood.

The girls left after awhile –me, completely forgotten- with Li. I got up slowly and stumble my way to the restroom. When I had checked that there was no one, I locked the door and painfully shrugged out of the clothes. Looking into the mirror, I saw long deep wounds cris-crossing my body, oosing deep red liquid. Slowly, I took out a hankerchief, wetted it and cleaned my wound carefully, ignoring the pain when the wet cloth touched the welts. The girls sure knew how to use nails.

After I was done cleaning, I bandaged them up and settled on going straight to the next class. I think I would be able to though I really hope I won't faint in the hallway. In the afternoon, I called in sick to the manager of the Book House. She was gracious enough to not cut anything out of my salary since the shop's been doing good and told me to take a few days off. But I flat out refused. It's a principle thing, I earn my money not scratch it off easily.

Departing from the school, I took the bus home and immediately fell asleep as I hit the couch. Nadeshiko's scream woke me. I sighed as I got up and went to comfort her. She was trembling and sobbing while I held her in my arms and soothed her with strokes down her hair. Eventually she closed her eyes and her ragged breathing beacame regular. I tucked her in and staggered to the dingy bathroom. The pain had intensified and I was feeling light headed. The shower of warm water was agony to say the least and I took care to not cry out as the water cascaded down my body, stinging my injuries along the way.

Wrapped in fresh bandages, I made fried noodles for mum, then took off to the pub, hoping against hope that he would not be there. My stomach churned and I felt like vomiting and the dizziness was getting worse. Apparently my prayer wasn't enough.

" Hey." Damn.


	3. Discovery

Hi, again I'm very sorry for the late update~~ I have chapter 4 written, I only need to edit and post so I hope it will be soon. XD Enjoy~

He followed me the whole way to the bus stop and even sat beside me for the whole journey. Seriously this man has issues!

"Are you stalking me?" I asked with annoyance.

"What do you think?"he smirked.

My face twisted into a scowl.  
Finally, I slammed the door of my apartment in his face as goodbye and thank you. Though I don't think he could have sense the thank you, not that I wanted really to thank him. It's just basic manners.

The house was quiet and I was relieved that I could have a bit of peace. It was great contrast with the chaos of the pub.

School was hectic the next day with the finals coming at the end of the month and it was getting colder as autumn prepared to freeze itself. I was beat when I reached Peach & Punks.

Luckily the place seemed less crowded than the previous night. I started off with a few mix of tequila shots and whiskey then sat myself down with a cold can of beer. That is, until someone decided to interrupt with their arrogant , nerve wrecking, totally bad ass sounding voice.

"Yo." I grind my teeth as his casual greeting sent negative energy through my body. With the can of beer in my hand I turned and faced the stage staring at nothing in particular.

" Sakura-chan!" Yu-san called out to me while she made her way through the throng. I nodded in greeting as she stopped in front of me. She was about 5 foot 1 and supported a head of exploded hair that was always held up by colourful bands.

" Hey, can you do me a favor?" she asked.

"Sure, I'm bored as hell anyway" I replied.

"Play the piano for me!" she begged with her hands clasped together and her eyes shining.

"What? No!" I exclaimed.

" You owe me that day for skipping your midnight shift and I had to get Reika- chan to fill in and you know how she's with her beauty sleep!" she pouted.

I frowned.

" Why don't u ask somebody else if they want to demonstrate? I'm sure there are a lot of people who can play piano." I asked pleadingly.

" But I want to hear you play. Especially that piece. You know I love  
how you play." her eyes just got bigger n it was starting to water.

Great! Now she's going to cry! I can't handle people crying! Suddenly I heard a chuckle. Oh. That annoying guy. He's still here.

"Why not Sakura-san? I would like to listen too. I'm sure you are  
great." Again with that smirk! Ugh!

" It's Kinomoto to you jerk." I scowled and make the mistake of looking at the manager. Oh my god! She's crying! Shit!

I panicked and quickly said yes, shoving her a hankerchief. Her face brighten with a sunflower smile.

"But I didn't bring my music notes."

She replied, " just play like you normally do. I'm sure many more customers will come."

" So this was all a plan to make money?" I asked sceptically.

"No how could you think that of me?" she feign a shocked expression.

I looked at the amused guy and decided to ignore him for now. It's for the I made my way through the crowd choosing the piece I was going to play from my memories. I had talent for memorizing music notes. The microphone squeaked a bit as I made my announcement.

" Ladies and gentlement, I will be playing for you today. It's called river flows in you." the crowd clapped and I sat down in front of the grand piano.

I played a few scales as a warm up before taking a few deep breaths, I was never good with presenting in front of crowds.

Then, I started to play.

Slowly I could feel the emotions flowing out of me and through the song.

I could feel it reverbrating in the room as it grew more and more. The atmosphere thickening until it was almost suffocating.

I played it for my mother.

Allowing the sadness to mingle at the edge of the longing, I put my whole heart in it.

For my dear mother.

The song fit her gentle soul perfectly as I picture her in my head. The waves of starlight hair and graceful ways. Her smile. Her laugh.

Before it was all gone.

Replaced by the shrieks and looks of horror. The unpleasant memories suddenly had me in an iron grip. Pulling me down deeper and deeper.

I clenched my teeth and continued forcing my emotions back, struggling to summon happy thoughts. Memories of when they were alive and well. When we were safe and happy. When I was just a normal kid with normal problems.

I missed her cookies. I missed dad's spaghetti with homemade tomato sauce. Extra cheese and fresh tomatoes just the way I like it. I missed the look of pain as I stomped on Touya's foot. I miss her bundling me up to catch the first snow flakes and the hot cocoa that always awaited me when I came back in. I missed Touya ruffling my hair every time he got home. I missed the quiet movie nights. I missed the Sunday outings. I missed the warmth of a family.

I missed them.

At last I ended the song softly and quickly dashed to the alley behind the pub with my heart in turmoil, the audience's applause dully sounding at the back of my head.

Fresh air greeted me as I took a deep breath.

In and out. In and out.

The song took a huge toll out of me emotionally.

Huh.

I guess it was still not behind me even after all the years. They say wounds dull in time. That the hurt will wash away eventually and that we will remember the past with fondness. So tell me how much time do we actually need? A month? A year? Ten years? Twenty? Or a century. Tell me please.

Cause I really don't know how much more I can bear. Hasn't it been long  
enough? Please, can anyone hear me? I guess not. Not unless they're psychic.

Ha! I felt as if someone was choking me and I could only get that small amount of air but was still living. Living on the edge. A strangled yell left me and echoed into the night. My chest was heaving up and down as I groaned. Oh god. Oh no. Oh!

I have done nothing. Nothing! Why me?

Endless black started clouding my vision and a low buzzing sounded in my ears turning louder and louder and louder. I felt like I was drowning treading around in the water. Then I fell back into reality.

" Hey." he whispered as he sat down beside me.

I still had my head in my hands trying to get in control. It should not be this way. I should have been able to manage my own emotions! Damn it! Ugh...

But there he sat silently. His presence comforting me more than I would have ever admitted. He gave me a sense of safety. Like nothing could ever harm me now and was that suppose to be good or bad?

Oh no.

I think I'm in trouble. Wait. I don't think so. Nah. It's probably nothing.  
I lifted my head and narrowed my eyes at him.

" What are you doing here?" I asked with annoyance.

"Are you okay?" he said ignoring my question.

"Hmp." I turned my head aside. He was being a busy body again. So unappreciated.

" Go away, jerk."

" Seriously what have I done? You've been treating me like this since you first saw me. Did I dump your sister or best friend? I swear I've never cheated and I don't lie. I'm  
a good fellow actually..."

I snorted and started laughing hard, clutching my stomach in pain. He looked at me bewildered and a bit amused

" Yeah right. You? A good fellow? That must be the biggest joke of the year! Hahaha! " gradually I calmed down, panting and my whole body buzzing merrily. I faced his smile and suddenly the good feeling was gone. Pursing my lips, I told him in monotone

" Go away. Don't ever come near me again."

His face of shock registered in my head and with that I got up and shoulder him away from the door, disappearing into the pub. It rained when I left the pub. With it being autumn it just got awfully colder until my hand and feet were numb to the core. I was soaked through when I reached the apartment.

Shivering terribly and with my teeth clanking together I quickly got into the shower to have a hot bath. Bearing yet again the pain of having my wounds scalded. I panted, using my hands against the wall to support me. Sluggishly, I got out of the shower and dressed. Before sleeping, I checked on my mother. A huge wave of nostalgia overcame me. I yearned for the warmth of somebody. The familiar warmth of a human at least. The comfortable embrace and the absolute sense of peace. I wanted it so much...

So I climbed into bed with mom. It felt nice. Very nice. I slept through the night like a baby in the cradle of her mother's arms. Knowing that she was safe that it was her mother  
and she cared. That she would give up the whole world to protect you  
from harm.

But the next morning I awoke again to the screams of mum. My head pounded unnaturally hard like a very bad hang over but it wasn't and it felt like falling off. My body felt sluggish and it was only after awhile that I could get up to stop her piercing screams.

The whole day in school felt like hell in the worst. The bad news was I couldn't find any aspirin and I couldn't concentrate on the lectures. I took the afternoon off again seriously making the manager in the Book House worried. The whole afternoon was spent sleeping the head ache off, but I only succeeded a bit.

Around 6, I forced myself up to go to peach and punks. The whole journey only made my condition worsen what with the weather and an empty stomach. I walked the few streets thinking that I would make it to the pub first before calling for help. But who could I call?

There's no one. I panted with the effort of simply lifting my leg one after the other like after a long marathon. Maybe... the manager could help. That was the last thought before it all went black.

The first thing that I noticed was the softness of the blanket which was so much better than my blanket at home. The second was the low noise around me. I couldn't locate the source and it seemed to come from everywhere.

Slowly I opened my eyes, blinking away the sudden light and met anxious amber eyes. My voice cracked and it felt like it was from a million miles away as I tried to speak.

" Where am I ? Who are you?"

"You're in my house. I'm Syaoran." I frowned as it gradually came back to me.

" I fainted didn't I?"

" Yeah gave me quite a fright there. The doctor says you have high fever which he gave an injection and some medicine. He also says that you have overworked yourself." I  
saw his accusing eyes and said

" Don't look at me like that. I have to work you know. Money doesn't come fall from the sky you know not like some believe."

" Contrary to popular believes I do know and I do work so I do know how hard it is." he passed a cup if water to me and I gulped it down gratefully feeling it slide down my parched throat.

Suddenly I felt his fingers picking up my hand and playing with it, I tensed and waited for whatever he was going to say. He seemed to hesitate a bit before speaking and even then I caught some of his reserve in saying.

" I saw something when the doctor checked your body."

Then he slid my sleeves up to my elbow.

Realizing what he was speaking off, horror filled me and I quickly wrenched my hand back,  
glaring at him in fear and anger. He looked at me with unfathomable  
eyes.

" Would you rather no one knows?" frustration slowly slipping  
into his voice bordering on anger.

" Those wounds are serious and there are even more on your back! I saw, Sakura! Who did this to you. Did you do it to yourself?" He gripped my upper arm and his eyes  
bored right into mine.

I looked away and tried to loosen out of his grip.

" I didn't do that to myself. That's all you need to know." slowly I got up from the couch and stumbled right into his arms again.

" I'm fine. I'll be going home now."

" You can't seriously consider going back in that condition!" he practically  
yelled in outrage."

" I'm fine" I repeated and walked like a drunken man to the door but was stopped again by his arms.

"Can you please let me through!" I glared up at him.

" You're not going anywhere." He growled.

" I need to go home." glancing at the clock I stifled a gasp and tried even harder to get pass him.

" Please I need to go home. Please!" I begged. It's been to long since I went back.

" Can't you call someone to take you home?" he asked.

"There's no one. Please let me through."

"I'll take you home but only if you allow me to come and visit you."

I stayed silent he could never come but Ill just lie for now.

" Ok."

He went and fetch my medicine and his car keys then made the way to my house. I bid him goodbye at the poor excuse for a lobby and went up quickly bit be had caught up. I rumaged through my bag and fished out the keys.

A horrible wail came through the door and He looked startled. I bit my lips, eyebrows knitting, this was not good. With lighting speed I inserted the keys and slammed the door in his face before he could push his way through. The pounding came next, him demanding me to open up.

Just as I was turning around to see what was the problem with my mother, I got into a deathly headlock that was cutting off my air supply and I began choking while there was again the ugly wail.

" Mum!" I gasped out trying repeatedly to pry her arms from me.


	4. Gone Crazy

**I know that this chapter is very short and I'm very sorry. But it is an emotional chapter. Thank you, to those who reviewed and story alerted/ favourite. I hope all of you will enjoy it. I promise the next one will be longer.**

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**Gone Crazy.**

"Mom!" " I yelled in a strangled way.

" Sakura! What happened! Let me in !" he was still going at the door. " Go away Li!" I said as I tried again to pry of mom's arms. My strength was not fully returned yet after my slight faint " mom! I can't breathe..." she shook her head violently tightening her grip.

I choked on what little air was left.

Then she screamed. Again and again. " Where are they? Let go of them! What did you do to them!"

She wailed again" What did you do to them!"

I struggled harder. My brain starting to go fuzzy with the lack of oxygen. Suddenly , she fell to the ground and I pitched forward only succeeding in righting myself by leaning against the wall. I sucked in lungs full of air regaining my strength. I looked at mom and saw her gasping in horror.

" My son. My husband. My daughter. My husband". She stared at the wall mumbling, I reached out.

"Mom..."

"My son. My husband. Oh! My daughter!" She was shrieking horribly like a banshee. I wanted to calm her down but without warning she lunged at me, a look of utmost fury and pain, her hands ready to yet again strangle me.

" Sakura!" yells were still coming through the door. I caught her hands in mine and tried in vain to pin her to the floor. She had grown so much stronger with the adrenaline.

With a sudden bang the door slammed open and a wild looking Li burst in searching frantically with his eyes the danger in the room.

" Come help me pin her down Li! Quickly!" I grunted. He came and took her by the arms.

Mom gave him a wild look, tears streaming and shouted" Get away from them! My babies! My husband! Get away from them!" then she tried to get her hands around his neck but she was no match for him.

He pulled her from me and lowered her down onto the floor wailing and crying. Twisting away from his grasp but not succeeding. Once her hands were off me I rushed to her room, grabbed the meds from the drawer and ran back to the living room.

Quickly, I pull open the cover of the box of meds, took off the cap of one of the needles and ran it into her vein pumping stabilizer into her blood stream. She gradually calmed down. As her gaze turn hallow and blank and her strength waned. Her head lolled to a side and she did not move. I took a deep breath of relief and sank back onto the floo,r looking at mom dearly.

Pushing back a strand of her hair I lifted my eyes to meet his and I knew I had a lot of explaining to do.

So I waited for him to ask.

" Who is she? " he whispered a look of anguish in his eyes, his face dark. I think he knew but I said so anyway.

" My mother."

His pained look turned darker and he cursed. " Why? H-how?" he cried hoarsely, a grip of steel on my wrist.

I looked down, my mother's words still ringing high and clear ' my babies! My husband! '

I felt exhausted, I wondered if I could tell him.

" It was something that happened years ago." That was all I could get put for now and I knew he knew, but he surprised me then, by pulling me into his arms. He took a few deep breathes to calm down.

" I'm sorry. You can tell me when you're ready, but for now," his voice soft and warm by my ear." Just let it out. It's ok. I'll be here for you." I wondered how did I come to be in the arms of the most desired male in Tokyo U. To actually have him care for me, the lowest ranker.

So I cried.

Because I was not fit to be in a fairytale.

Because he was not the prince and I was not the princess.

Because he cared.

Because it had been so long since someone cared and because I could never ever fall for him.

No matter if I wanted to or not.

I cried in his arms for some time before quieting down to a few sniffs.

After that I apologised for ruining his shirt but he shrugged it off. " So what are you going to do now?" he asked concern etched in his face. I look at mom and sighed.

" I'll put her in bed later. She'll be better in the morning."

" Why don't you send her to a mental capacity?"

I scoffed "And what? Pay my ass off? I'm not capable of that. The least I can do is to provide her a shelter and bring her on regular checkups. It's all I can do." Biting my lower lip, I crouched down and hoisted up my already asleep mother staggering a bit when Li came and help me. " Thank you" I said gruffly not really used to it.

" No probs." he gave a grim twitch of his lips.

We tucked her in comfortably and I walked Li out to the door. He gave me a brief hug which kind of surprised me, then he said " I'll come again sometime."

I frowned." there's no need to. I'm fine by myself." His face grew fierce " how are you fine when you were nearly strangled to death by your own mother?" his hands balled into fists beside him. I could see that he was fighting hard for control.

" You really should not care about me." I whispered.

" What did you say?" his eyebrows smashed together, momentarily confused. I shook myself saying clearly" I'm fine. I was just weak after that little faint today. Usually I would have been able to subdue her better." He still looked utterly unconvinced.

" Seriously. Now goodbye and goodnight." I turned to shut the door when he said" I'll still come over sometime and remember to take your pills." I nodded before closing the door.

Tiredly, I clambered onto my bed and fell fast asleep.

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May I ask for a review? ^^ XD

The next chapter will probably be posted during early June cause there's the semester finals and lots of other things. Sorry.

J. A.


	5. Grief is a friend

Here's chap 5 and I wonder if it's good enough coz i can't seem to get wroiting these days, so sorry.I know it's really short. Anyway, there's no Syaoran in this but there's a friend. ^^ So I hope everyone will enjoy it~~~

Disclaimer: I don't own anything at all~~~~

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It was a lovely morning and I was feeling great after a wonderful night of sleep. Mom was good and nothing has happened so I was not so worried of going out for some time. Today was my father, Touya and Yukito's 8th death anniversary and still I was glad it was a lovely day.

After making sure everything in the house was ok I took off to a district near Osaka named Tomoeda. It was where we had loved.

A quiet and peaceful town.

We had to move after they had died.

I stopped by the florist before going to their graves.

The bell tinkled as I pushed against the door. It was a merry land of colours inside with flowers of various specimens. I walked around admiring the blooms and picked up a few white nadeshiko, lilies-of-the-valley, and roses.

It was their favourites.

As I walked towards the counter, I saw a beautiful girl that looked amazingly like my mother. She had the same silky ebony hair and high cheekbones with the pointed chin. I stared at her for quiet a long time and it seemed that she noticed. She gave me a polite but friendly smile as I quickly averted my eyes and turned me head to hide my blush for being caught staring. I hurried to the counter to have my flowers wrapped up in three different bunches as I was aware of her presence behind me.

A soft and melodic voice sounded and I tu8rned my head to answer her.

" Are you from anywhere around here?"

" No….. I'm from Tokyo."

" Oh, what's the occasion then?" She asked smiling so brightly that it almost seemed like the sun was shining right in front of me.

I lowered my head as the sudden onslaught of emotion rushed forward but I managed a small smile of my own. " it's my family's death anniversary." Yukito was considered my family too, my brother.

" Oh, I'm so sorry." Her voice sounded truly sincere in my lost.

"It's ok, it has been quite a long time now. What about you?"

"It's my father's death anniversary." She said with a smile. I was about to apologise when she stopped me.

" It's OK, I don't really remember him anyway, I was 2 when he died. " I nodded and faced the lady at the counter when she called me. After paying for my flowers, I left with the lady since there was only a tiny cemetery in Tomoeda.

The walk there was quiet with the occasional breeze.

" So, I didn't get your name there….."

I awoke from my day dreaming. It's been a long time since I was this relaxed.

I smiled and stretched my hand taking her hand in a firm grip.

' Kinomoto Sakura. Age 19. Tokyo U."

" Daidouji Tomoyo. Age 19. Also, studying in Tokyo U."

"Wow, really, what course are you taking?"

" ?"

" Majoring in Physchology, minoring in Arts."

" We should meet up for lunch sometime." My smile flickered a little.

" Yeah…maybe."

We continued our journey , walking through the small gate, I reached _their_ graves. I saw Daidouji-san a little further up where the graves were more extravagant.

Silently, I put down the three bouquets of flowers. They were sleeping side by side. I used my hand to brush aside some leaves and dust.

_Hey, pops. Long time no talk. How are you doing? Mom's… not so bad I guess. I'm fine too. I'm finally in Tokyo U. Isn't it great? Don't worry too much about us. We are doing well. Enjoy it up there._

My gaze travelled to the grave beside father's. The corners of my mouth lifted a little as I traced the name.

_Kinomoto Touya_

_Yo, bro. Kaijuu's here to see you. Again, I haven't seen you in awhile, have I? I'm in Tokyo U. now. Too bad you couldn't go, huh….How's it up there? Hope you like it. Mom's good enough too, so don't worry too much._

I knew that telling him to not worry as much is a feat too impossible.

Then it was my childhood crush. It seemed a distant memory now, when I would blush at the mere sight of him.

_Hi, Yukito. Long time no talk. I really miss you ,you know? I miss your laugh, the teddy bear cookies…How cruel is it, huh? Hope you're doing great. Don't worry about us, tell Touya that eh, he's always a worrier and so overprotective too. _

As I sat reminiscing, it was a grief too deep.

Because they were mine once. Mine to cherish, to love, to care. Now they were a hope up there.

I know that they will be watching over us. I know that they will always be in our hearts till the day we die. All of these, I have known and acknowledge. It was just that.

I looked at them one last time before softly whispering.

" Goodbye, I'll see you next year. I'll take care of mom and myself, I promise. "

I turned and joined Tomoyo who was waiting at the gate. The walk back to the bus stop was silent and kind of sad.

We were grieving again.

Just this once every year, then we would have to push it back to the back of our minds. It wouldn't do to live with the grief and I was sure that those who love us wouldn't be happy seeing us living in misery.

But just this once, let us remember and feel.

Just …this once.

So please~~~~ review? tell me about it. For now Tomoyo will be there~ XD

JEnA.


	6. The Beginning

Hi~~ I know i haven't upload in so long and I'm really sorry. But this year we have three major exams and I was really busy ~~ I hope everyone will enjoy this chap ^^ Ja...

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**The Beginning**

I locked the door behind me as I made my way to the supermarket. We were running way too low in groceries so I had to stock up. I took the sub and walked the last few blocks. Sighing, I grabbed a trolley and started from the aisle for spices. I was still a bit sore from my fever the last few days but luckily the medicine helped very much.

I would never have gone to the doctor if I had had a choice. Maybe I would have downed a couple of Penadols and be done with it.

When I was done with the spices, I headed for the pastry and got some bread then I went for the frozen section and helped myself to some cheap meat. As I was reaching for the bag of patties, my hand clashed with a other.

" Sorry."

"Sorry." a familiar voice sounded.

I quickly withdrew and gazed up to-who?

Well if course it was Mr. Lee! How could I not bump into him at the supermarket?

Damn my luck.

His look of surprise was quickly replaced with concern. As he opened his mouth to speak I held up my hand to stop him.

" I'm fine thank you very much."

I took the patty, put it in my trolley and started rolling away. I really was hoping the he would leave me like that but I guess it was too much to ask for.

" Wait, Sakura!" he called out but I quickened my pace. His trolley rolled beside mine and I felt his gaze on me.

"What? So now I have something on e my face?" I asked sarcastically as we made our way to the vegetable section.

" No..." he answered hesitantly

"I just... Wanted to talk to you... How are u really doing? How's your mother?"

" We are fine."

I quickened my pace and made sure he got the awful vibe that I was letting off. I didn't want to talk.

Both of us took the sub home. As the door opened at the Ichikoku station, I stumbled at the onslaught of the large crowd and pressed up against Li . Suddenly, I was hyper aware of him beside me. His body heat washing over me giving me goose bumps. His strong arm around my waist to keep me from falling. His hard chest and his heart beat. How could you describe a heart beat like his.? Somehow it was hallow but deep. Strong and painful to hear. It was beautiful music. And it was causing me to blush like a fan girl!

I pulled myself away from him and tried to keep some distance and he let me go. I tried to hide my blush by lowering my head, but it was no use, my face only got redder and my heart only jump faster. Help me….! The rest of the trip was spent in awkward silence. Awk-ward silence.

That night I spent in Peach and Punks was uneventful and the new band was horrible. Terrifically horrible and awesomely terrible. I was destined to lose my ears it seemed.

That night I dreamt of something horrible.

It was summer and the air was hot and dry. It was like being baked alive. The leaves were dry and people everywhere were in tanks and shorts. Then there was a fire. A huge fire. A terrible scream.

I woke up sweating heavily and panting.

The next morning, I shuffled past the small courtyard of Tokyo U. It was a nice day. Almost spring now. The snow was melting and the leaves were coming out. Green and lush.

Suddenly my hair was grabbed from behind and my wrist shackled by stranger hands. I was shocked and grunted in pain, struggling to get away but to no avail.

"You little fucking bitch!" someone hissed beside my ear. The hand pulling my hair twisted harder and I cried out.

"That's right. Scream. You should know how, you dirty little slut." a sadistic laugh sounded and I was starting to panic

. It wasn't a secluded area but there was rarely any traffic this early in the morning. And I didn't know who I was facing. Slowly a bead of sweat trickled past my temple, adrenaline was rushing through me but it was no use.

I felt a piece of jagged and cold metal on my cheeks and I started trembling. "What in the world did I do?" I asked hoarsely, eyes trying to keep track of the piece of metal. My hands still trying to get away.

" Tiffany said she saw you with Syaoran-sama. You, a little nobody. A worthless whore with Syaoran -sama! Acting all cuddly and sickly sweet! Tch. You'll pay dearly." she slowly pressed the metal deeper into my cheek until it was enough to draw a thin line of blood.

I gritted my teeth and was still struggling in vain.

" It wasn't like that!"

" Shut up! You piece of shit! I don't care" a heavy blow came at me and I felt my head snapped to the left.

_It hurt! Shit! Damn it, it hurt_!

I sucked in a huge mouthful of air trying to control the tears that was welling. I could feel her rage and her intent to hurt me growing, and I trembled harder.

Dear whoever-that's-up-there, what was it that I had done wrong?

I mused in pain as I tried one last time to explain." It really wasn't like that... I..." a scream of fury tore through the morning air as the I felt my cheek being slashed open and blood pouring down my neck. I cried in pain as I tried to kick out at whoever there was to defend myself but I could not. The girl continued her attacks and I saw that she could not be stopped by the frenzy of hate in her eyes. It was as if she was possessed.

_A mad man. _

I slid my eyes shut and waited, the tears leaving me although I was willing them not to.

Would this be the end of me? How about my mother? Father... Would I come to you now?

Another gash appeared at my forearm and I screamed harder. They didn't bother to muffle me. Repeatedly they slashed and cut, hit and raged and I was sobbing. Unable to do anything but let them rule me. Continuously sobbing. Letting the pain wash over me. I coughed up blood and thought that I had heard something crack.

_Help... Someone, anyone... Help..._

The feeling was growing more and more intense that even with my high tolerance for pain, it was coming to my limit. My struggles were getting weaker and I was starting to slump. There wasn't much energy left for me to stand and I fell to my knees and would have lain on the ground if they weren't holding onto me.

I could feel the darkness nearing and the pain slowly fading. I didn't want to go yet.

_Not yet. _

Not before my mother. I could hear sadistic laughter down the long dark tunnel and my heart was sinking.

_No..._

Suddenly I heard a cry of utmost rage and a sickening crunch from my left and felt my hair and hands being released as I crumbled to the floor. My consciousness returning a little along with the extreme pain as I tried to see from under my swollen and blurry eyelids. There was a maze of noises that I was too tired to register and a myriad if colours. I tried to call out but then it went dark.

The last thing I felt was being lifted into the air in an embrace of warmth and the sense that I was safe at last.

X X X X

My eyes watered as I slowly blink them open. The bright lights hurt like hell. In fact my whole body hurts like hell. I tried to sit up but found that I had not the strength. My throat was burning like a marshmallow on fire.

" Oh you're awake!" I slowly turned my head and found myself facing Daidouji, the girl from the cemetery.

" W...why are you h...ere?" I croaked out and then proceeded to cough like a person with lung cancer as a sharp pain course through me.

" Careful now. Here." she said as she helped me get into an upright position and slowly fed me water from a straw. The water that went down my throat was like ambrosia. So so sweet.

" How are you feeling?" she asked then waved her hand at me. " Nevermind that. You must feel awful."

I chuckled and tried to get more words out.

" I...m f...ine."

I sounded like a hundred-year-old crone. She looked at me incredulously and I looked away. We both knew that I was _not fine_.

" What are you doing here anyway?". Her expression darkened

"We found you when they were beating the hell out of you and took you here. Those bitches! They are probably going to serve a few years".

I felt nothing for them when she told me that just a slight pity.

"So, " I said looking at my body that was covered in huge mountains of bandages, " What have I got?"

She looked at me sympathetically and said, " Three broken ribs, a hairline fracture in the  
skull, a mild concussion and some major bruises and scrapes."

" That's all?"

" That's all?" she lifted her eyebrows and cried out, "Those are very serious injuries you've got!"

I merely smiled. These were nothing actually. She shook her head and clucked at me to not exert myself and lie down.

" Syaoran will be here soon. He went to the canteen to get some food". She was tucking me in like a child and it felt nice. She was so motherly…

" Li ? Why is he here?" She turned those beautiful eyes at me and  
replied.

" He was the one that saw you first and got you here. When we saw you like that we really thought that you weren't going to make it. There was so much blood and I've never seen him so angry before. He even punched that girl right in the face and Syaoran never lays a hand on girls you know."

I was silent as she told me that. A sudden warmth had flooded my heart. It was a wonderful feeling as if you were ubmerged in a warm bath after a cold night but it was scary as hell too. I pushed it to the back of my mind and swore to never think of it.

Just then the door opened to revealed a dishevelled Li in sweats and jeans with a five o'clock shadow. He looked as if he had not slept in days. His eyes widened as he took in Miss Daidouji talking to me and he was visibly relieved. Slowly he smiled. His face softening.

" I'm glad you're up. Feeling good?"

" Never better" I gave him a small smile. After all I really did felt a deep gratitude towards him.

" I think I should go. See you later Kinomoto- san." Miss Daidouji got up with her bag and  
was just about to turn the knob when she faced me again and asked " By the way, what's your favuorite food?"

I was preplexed and didn't answer until she called again.

" Kinomoto san?" I shook my head slightly- which I immediately stop doing since it was like  
having your head run over by a truck.-

" I .. I like spaghetti." I replied a bit hesitantly. This girl that barely knows me is asking me  
of my favourite food. Wow.

" Spaghetti it is then." she said and left the room gracefully. I watched her going with a tiny smile. She's cool alright and really kind.

" Is she going to bring me spaghetti?" I wondered at Li who just grinned and set down his lunch judging by the day. Suddenly a thought struck me. Oh my god and panic crashed down unto me like a tidal wave. I quickly tried to get down from the bed but was failing terribly. Li saw what I was doing and held out a hand stopping me.

" It's ok. I've been to see her just this morning." My mouth fell a slight bit open.

" You did what?" I half yell, half croaked. Great I sound like a sick frog.

" She's dangerous when she isn't in a good mood! How could you? You need to watch out!"

I bit out worry now added to the panic which was slowly turning into anger. How could he endanger himself like that? He lifted his eyebrows at me then fixed his stare at his lunch, his hands reaching for it when I grabbed it with effort. He had decide to ignore me and I was getting furious.

" Hey! You listening to me? You know how she can be and you're not even someone she's familiar with! What if she does something to you?"

" I should be asking you that shouldn't ?" he turned towards me eyeing me with those amber eyes. I backtracked suddenly.

" I...I ... I'm someone she knows. She's my mom."

" It' doesn't make a difference when half the time she doesn't recognize you." I flinched at his word and promptly let the sandwich fall. Yeah. It doesn't make a difference doesn't it? She's my Mom and she doesn't t even know me! Gosh the irony.

Li looked uncomfortable and frustrated all of a sudden.

" I'm sorry. It's... It's just... Those bitches! How could they do this to you?" he burst in rage.

I spared him a glance and decided to sleep some more.

" Don't you give me that!" he shook me. I felt as if a train had run over me and a sense of  
nausea hit me.

" S...st...op..."

" Sorry." he let go of me and I laid back to calm myself.

" I'm really sorry you know."

" 'Bout what?" I asked nonchalantly. His head snapped up to read my expression and his turned into one of disbelieve.

" Those awful...ugh... Those _things_ that did this to you! It was all because of me! Wasn't it?"

I half-smiled and half-smirked.

" Who do you think you are?"

He smirked back.

" Only the most desirable, honey."

I blanched and he laughed out loud. His laugh was pleasant to hear. A deep but smooth rumble. And I smiled. Slowly I registered the pain that I was feeling growing more intense as I winced. Li noticed and pushed the button for the nurse.

" They'll give you some morphine." I nodded as the nurse walked in and injected something into the IV. Slowly I closed my eyes and fell into dreams.

The last thing I saw was his soft and endearing smile. Lighting up everything and I was safe again.

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So~~~~~ Review? Please~~~~~ I'll give you a Naruto pillow! Nah~ I've been hooked up in Naruto( yes, even when I have exams. Its a form of relaxation) and I'm supporting NaruHina SasuSaku and other various pairings. Though I prefer ShikaIno to ShikaTem. Anyway...

! XD

JenAr.


	7. But I cannot

Hi hi~~ I know its been awfully long since I updated. My exam is over now, so perhaps I can update more. But my muse seems to have ran away with Syaoran so...

I hope you all can enjoy this chapter. ^^ Ja-ne~

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**But I cannot**

It was that dream again.

_Summer. _

_Hot blazing weather._

_Crackling flames. _

_A woman screaming._

A wail that made my heart turn to ice and my blood freeze in my veins. It was a heartbreaking scream. In my dream, I felt a deep grief. Not unlike when my family died.

Then the scene changed into one that I was very familiar with.

Blood splattered the floor as they fell like rag dolls onto the pool of blood. Glassy eyes open, the life gone from them.

_Broken._

I tried to shut my eyes but my body would not let me. It was as if I was petrified.

Unable to move.

Unable to scream.

Unable to feel anything at all.

It was terrifying.

I awoke with a start. My heart still beating like someone who had just done a 10km marathon. Slowly, I tried to calm myself down and loosen my rock hard fist. My hands were trembling and the grief and horror I had felt was still lingering in the depth of my mind. Like an ever haunting shadow. I clenched my teeth willing it all away trying to get back to sleep. And I did fall into uneasy sleep.

I awoke at dawn. Somehow still in tatters. My body was still aching all over but I was healing and I could move now, so I helped myself up gradually and tried to get out of the room.

I needed fresh air. I needed to breathe.

But I was not yet strong enough. I stopped in the middle of my actions, taking huge mouthfuls of air but hurting my chest instead.

Just then Li came in and quickly tried to help me back into bed. I waved him away weakly.

"Help me get out."

He frowned and crossed his arms. My eyebrows twitched.

"U-huh. Like you should be moving at all."

"Please."

He must have heard the desperation in my voice. Sighing, he told me to wait so that he could go get a wheelchair. When he came back, he gently help me into the wheelchair, trying not to jostle me too much. Then he wrapped a checkered blanket around me tightly.

"The morning air is cold, so we have to keep you warm alright." He clucked like a mother hen.

As he wheeled me out of my room, my heart was still warmed with the tiny thoughtful gesture and the blanket felt like a golden fleece around me.

We went into the garden that surrounded the hospital where there are thousands of beautiful flowers. It was spring now and I spotted Hyacinths, Snowdrops, Irises and Momos.

My knowledge of flowers were from my mother. She had a smaller garden like this in our old home. Every evening, she would work in the garden. Tending gently to the plants like they were her babies. Always with a smile on her face As if she was content.

Suddenly, I felt a petal against my face and I looked up to see a beautiful Sakura tree. My namesake. I gasp as more and more petals fluttered down in the breeze. The soft sunlight filtering through the light pinks petals. It was beautiful and I felt something swell in my heart.

It was a deep gratitude for this beauty. I felt tears well in my eyes and I swiped them away, sniffling a little. Syaoran was quiet in the peaceful silence.

We sat there in the cold morning breeze enjoying each other's company a sense of tranquility between us. There was no need for words as the Sakura petals fell. It was so nice and quiet that I was almost half asleep.

" Sakura…"

"Hmm?" I turned around to gaze up at him with hooded eyes. I was content then. His eyes widened for a fraction of a second and I thought I saw his cheeks tint a light red.

" I love you."

And all hell broke loose. I was rudely snapped out of my day-dreams and I glared up at him.

" Don't joke about thing like that." I sneered and I turned back to my Sakuras but the feeling was gone and I was angry. At the same time I was panicking. I didn't know what to do. There has been a feeling that up until now has been kept away, hidden. A terrible feeling that must not be felt.

He replied, frustrated. " I'm not joking. _I love you_. Can you not accept me?"

There was pain in his voice and my heart involuntarily clenched. I didn't want him to get hurt. Not one bit. Hurting him was like stabbing myself in the heart again and again. It was just as painful for me.

And I wondered at why would I feel this way? The answer was as simple as that.

_Love_.

If not love then what? But I was in too deep. I had to get out.

"I cannot accept you. Not even in a million years." I couldn't look him in the eye, afraid of the hurt that I would see in those warm amber orbs. I didn't want to face him.

He grabbed my wrist and forcefully turn me around to look at him. I winced as the bruise on my wrist was not healed yet. He quickly let go, frustration still evident in his movements.

" See! I can't even touch you without hurting you! I want to protect you! When I brought you to the hospital that day the doctor asked me if you had had any fights previously. There were obviously old scars on your body and I couldn't tell him anything. I was so helpless then. I wanted to protect you from all those things. Please….. Let me. Let me love you. I promise I won't hurt you."

"No…I can never accept you."

"_Why not_?" he bellowed.

What could I say? That I would be too much of a burden? That I would still lose him in the end? That I was too broken to have him love me? That I was not worth it? There were so many reasons and not one of them could I tell him. Because he was precious to me. I accept that now. But still….. I could not let him love me.

" Go find someone else. I'm sure there are many other wonderful girls out there who is in need of your love."

" I can't! I have fallen too deep!" He harshly whispered to me and my eyes widened as his lips crashed into mine.

You know how they say that when you have your first kiss there would be fireworks and all that? That it would be wonderful?

Yeah. I felt all of that.

His arms came around to hold me tightly and it was no use struggling. It felt like fireworks had just gone off in my body. It was so wonderful. Sweet and loving. And I could not stop my self from kissing back.

I jolted as I realised how deep his love was. Could someone really love another this deep in just a few months? I wanted to cry. It was no use loving me so. All this wonderful feeling will just go to waste.

But I wanted to feel that beautiful feeling of having your love received and given back by your lover. To have someone share that love. Knowing that he is the only one in the world that is connected to you like this. It must be nice.

But I could not have it.

We broke apart for air, panting and red in the cheeks and I had to turn away to hide the tears. He couldn't see it. Never.

" I will never be able to love you. Give up now. Go find someone better. Someone more worthy. Go. Please, I don't want to see you."

He was silent but he did walk away. I could feel his sadness that was near despair and the tears fell faster and my body shook with all the effort done to contain it. I will not cry out in front of him.

Not even if I wanted those strong arms around me again. That warm cocoon feeling. The knowing that I was safe in his embrace. Not even if I wanted his smile, his laugh, his love.

His _presence._

I _love _him.

Yes.

But I cannot have him.

* * *

So~~~ Was it ok? I know it has been emotional but next chapter will be more lighthearted I guess. Anyway R&R please!(So you'll get a Naruto to hug and cuddle~)

P.S. The naruto in Shippuden is like so mature and I can't believe his skin fell off when he was four tails! I was like : What? Omg! And Orochimaru is a f***ing pedophile. He is sick and disgusting. Ew.

P.P.S. Sasuke is looking good~~~(Yeah I know he is an emo old grandma but still HOT!) Itachi too! Kakashi~~~ *nosebleed*

P.P.P.S. Prince of Tennis is very cool!

Bye~~~

JenAr. XD


	8. Friends in a while

Haha... I'm sorry? Ha... I know I'm really really late, but I just couldn't think of anything to write or how I was going to continue it so I stalled and banished it to the back of my mind. Yeah anyway. I'M SORRY! But please enjoy. ^^

* * *

" Sakura-san!" I looked around in the sea of students, wondering who was calling out to me.

" Over here!" ,then I spotted her, Daidouji-san, who was waving to me from a table at the far end of the campus's canteen. I lifted a side of my lips awkwardly.

I didn' t know if she knew that I had rejected Syaoran or if she had known, what would her reactions be? Lifting my tray I waded towards her and saw a few others who I assumed were her close friends. There was a girl with chestnut brown hair in a French braid and there was another with reddish-brown hair that had a kind and gentle face. Both were smiling up invitingly at me. I nodded back as a greeting.

" Here, here, sit down , this place is empty." Daidouji –san ushered me into a seat beside her. Just as I was settling down, my hand was enveloped by soft, warm hands and was shaken enthusiastically by the girl with the French braid, smiling broadly.

" Hi, I'm Yoshikawa Chiharu and this, here, is my fiancée Takashi." She spoke to me while pointing to a brunette beside her with closed eyes. He grinned at me and waved. " Nice to meet you."

They looked like a lovely couple. I smiled and kind of looked at them in awe.

" They're childhood sweathearts," Daidouji-san added from beside me. " She picked a piece of bread and popped it into her mouth. I acknowledged her comment by nodding towards them and Yoshikawa-san beamed at me. I felt the need to wear sunglasses right then.

" We have been together since elementary school. But honestly, I don't know how I can stand this guy." Yoshikawa-san sighed , her lips twitching while pointing to Takashi-san.

Takashi-san chuckled and said " Did you know in ancient Egypt, the bride-to-be had to-" Suddenly, he clutched his head ,smiling, where Chiharu-san had clipped him, shaking her head in annoyance. " See! That's what I mean." I felt an urge to smile then as the couple continue to bicker.

" Daidouji-san, are they always like that?" I asked, amused.

"Yeah, always have been and always will be." She replied, grinning, as we watched the antics of the two love birds.

" Oh yes! We must introduce you to the others." She exclaimed in sudden excitement. Then, she started to rant off the names of the others who were sitting at the same table.

" This is Sasaki Rika. She's a newlywed. She married her ten-year-long-term-boyfriend, last December. It was a beautiful wedding!" Daidouji-san gushed excitedly, saying how lovely she was in her wedding dress.

Sasaki-san blushed a pretty shade of pink and said softly, "Tomoyo-chan, enough already. It's embarrassing….." Daidouji-san did not heed her whispers and continued her animated rant of the newlyweds with gusto. I shared a knowing look with her at Daidouji-san's fast-paced speech.

After the episode with Syaoran, Daidouji-san became the one to take care of me though she did past a note from Syaoran that said that he would take care of mother. I was happy and sad when I read the note. Happy because Syaoran seemed to be giving up and was only taking care of my mother out of the kindness in his heart and I was sad, because I may have ruined to fragile friendship we once had.

In the short time of taking care of me, Daidouji-san and I had become good friends. Though she had always reprimand me for calling her Daidouji-san and wanting me to call her by her given name-Tomoyo. I had not been comfortable calling her in such an intimate way, and had sticked to calling her by her first name, much to her displeasure. Thus, I had also been aware of her cheerful- on the brink of overly-enthusiastic- personality. It was uplifting really but sometimes when she goes overboard….things tend to get messy, one would say.

Suddenly a pair of hands swooped from above and covered Daidouji-san's eyes making her stop in mid-rant, breaking out into laughter. I looked up and saw a tall young man 'bout the same year as us or maybe a year older, smiling serenely from behind frameless glasses. He had pale skin that every girl would envy and midnight blue hair that fell onto his forehead carelessly, with a nice built. I instantly knew that he was one of the uni's heartthrob. He was just too handsome not to be. Although Syaoran could have surpassed him anytime…..Shit. What was I thinking? Huh.

Daidouji-san had turned and pulled him into a short but sweet kiss. I resisted the urge to smile. They were all so sweet! Guess that's the girl in me talking.

She turned to me and said " This is my boyfriend, Hirigizawa Eriol." I nodded to him when he said " Hi," with a small wave of his hand. Then she pointed to me and said while smirking a bit," Eriol, this is The Sakura-san."

He lifted his eyebrows to me and I wanted to sink into the floor and disappear forever. I glared at Daidouji-san, I didn't need the 'The' . I'm infamous enough as it is.

" Oh, so you are The Sakura-san!" He took my right hand and kiss it as my face instantly flamed red. I laughed awkwardly stealing a glance at Daidouji-san but she seemed ok with it. She saw me looking at her and winked at me, "He was born in England." Yeah like that explains a lot.

I quickly took my hand away as he straightened up and smile at me with a mischievous glint in his eyes. " I've heard so much about you from Syaoran." My face paled a moment and I forced a laugh, trying not to let the frown show on my face.

" They are cousins through their mother's side and best friends," Yoshikawa-san added from beside me.

" Oh." I tried to sound nonchalant. They did seem to have the same aura around them, perhaps it ran in the family? For being tall, gorgeous and charming? What a family indeed.

Suddenly, Daidouji-san clasped her hand together and said " Oh, I almost forgot! Naoko!" We turned to a girl with short, light brown hair and big black frame glasses. I had a feeling the she would be really beautiful without the glasses covering half of her face. She looked up with dazed brown eyes from the book in her hand as I read the title ,I felt an immediate kinship with her.

" Naoko-chan, this is Sakura-san" She looked at me and grinned brightly, " So, you are the Sakura-san," and she held out her hand to me. I sighed and took her hand " Am I really that famous? Hahaha….Do you read a lot?" I asked her and she nodded vigorously

" Do you?" She replied with a face of great expectation and hope. " None of these dorks here read much, except Syaoran-kun of course." My heart stumbled a beat at his name but I ignored it.

"Hey we resent that! We aren't dorks, nerd!" Yoshikawa-san shouted laughingly from behind me. Naoko-san stuck out her tongue at her. " What are you, five?" Takashi-san teased her. Naoko-san just rolled her eyes. The rest laughed good naturedly.

" I read if I have time. I really love that book you are reading." I replied.

She looked at the book in her hand and beamed at me " I know, right? The Kite Runner is the best! This is my fourth time reading it! Have you read A Thousand Splendid Suns? It was awesome! What about romance? Julia Quinn?"

I smiled at her and said "Yes, I did read them. I like Julia Quinn's Bridgerton Series. It was really nice." I thought I just saw the sun up close.

" Ok, ok, calm down Naoko-chan." Daidouji-san. She pouted and I giggled. Oh my god…. Did I just giggled? I must have been out of my mind. Yeah right, it's actually been so long since I had had such a good time. I looked at them with gratitude. They had given me such precious memories.

" By the way, have any of you guys seen Syaoran?" Hirigizawa-san asked. I lowered my eyes and pretend that my heart is not beating a hundred miles per hour. Why does even his name gives me such reactions? I think it's illegal. Seriously illegal for someone to hold so much power over another's heart.

" Nah, I haven't," Daidouji-san said with a shrug of her shoulders. " Maybe there's something that he needs to do at the company?" And I promptly fell back to reality from my musings. See, that's why I must never tell him anything about how I feel. We live in two different worlds! What the point of building a bridge that's going to collapse any moment anybody else decides we aren't fit to be together? Society isn't like a dreamland with fairies and pixies and rainbow-coloured-ponies. What's the heir of an empire going to do with a girl with a mentally ill mother?

I wanted to laugh out loud as I sink further into my own bitter reasoning.

" Hey guys!" I jolted and froze up as I heard the voice that had plagued my dreams, whispering sweet nothing into my ear and making me fall deeper and deeper still.

" Hey Syaoran!" a chorus of greetings met him as he quickened his pace to us.

" Hey, little cousin," Hirigizawa-san thumped him on the back making him roll his eyes, as he greeted the others. He hadn't see me yet as they were blocking me from view.

" Oh yeah, Syaoran I would like you to meet someone!" I blushed a bit and tried to slink away but Daidouji-san had already grabbed me at the arm and was pushing me to the front.

I didn't dare look at him in the face, scared of seeing whatever expression he had on. Scared of the hurt or bitterness I may see there. I was a coward. Huh. I twisted my fingers again and again, trying to rid myself of the nervousness I was feeling.

Suddenly, I let out a loud yelp as my hand was pulled forward and I heard him say " Let me borrow her for awhile."

"H-hey! What do you think you are doing? Li-san!" I hissed out, trying to will away the blush that was flooding my cheeks and sound as angry as I can be.

He was holding my hand,

* * *

Ooh~~~ Syaoran wanted to talk to her~ What's he going to say after being rejected .Yeah I'm evil. I'm leaving you with a cliffhanger, always wanted to try that... XD

I'm actually sacrificing my time to watch Naruto to write this so please review? *blinks seductively* *vomits dinner* XD


	9. Nothing

We ran and ran for what seemed like hours before stopping below a Sakura tree. It seemed as if I had a certain fate with my namesake.

We were panting hard by the time we had reached the enormous tree at the edge of the school grounds and my calves were hurting as I tried to catch my breath. Sya- Li seemed much better off than me. He had hardly broken a sweat and was waiting for me as I tried to calm down the beating heart and heavy pants.

Slowly, everything fell into silence except for the sound of loud and dull thuds in my head.

"Sakura. Look at me" I heard his voice from above and cursed his tall physique as his shadow loomed over me and I could feel the heat radiating from his body. Stubbornly, I lowered my heard still and wouldn't look up.

Be still my heart.

I don't think it's listening.

Gently, I felt fingers lift my chin up to meet warm hazel eyes that held the world's sweetest chocolate fondue. My heart stutter and I wrenched my face away from his hands. Biting my lip, I stepped back from him, trying to put some distance between us despite the pleadings of my heart. His hands fell away and laid by his side. I didn't dare look at the things I would see.

"Sakura, please, hear me out."

I said nothing. Silently storing away the sound of his voice for the late nights.

"Sakura, I want us to be friends."

And there goes my heart.

What was I expecting? That he would pine for me after what I had done to him? That he would kneel and grovel for my love? I would never want that from him.

But being friends isn't as easy as it seemed.

I love him.

So much so that it hurts. It's like this never ending thirst when you are lost in the desert and there wasn't any water left. It was a hunger for the care he would give and the looks he would sent my way. But now there won't be anymore. There was no more.

But this was what I wanted wasn't it? That we would still have friendship even though it want possible for love?

So I tucked the emotions away and tugged up the ends of my mouth to form a smile for him. Because he at least deserves that much. And I wanted to be friends too.

At least, a friend could be close to him. At least while we were friends, I could still talk to him and laugh with him. At least, when we were friends, I could still be near him.

Friends.

I didn't know that it was such a complicated word until now.

"Sure. We'll be friends. Glad you thought it through." I grinned up at him and patted his shoulders. He smiled back at me and ruffled his hair.

"Haha, thanks. I was worried that you wouldn't accept my offer. Let's get back to the others before they worry about what I had done to you."

I laughed with him and followed him through the track back to the cafeteria.

" I'm sure they aren't as bad as that."

"You don't know them yet. Wait until you see them when they prank someone, or spy on others. Especially Tomoyo."

"That I may have to see for myself."

"Mmhm."

* * *

We fell into lulled silence for the last few minutes' walk back. We were at a place we were never at before. We can have friendly pats on the back and cheerful laughs at the antics of our mutual friends, people I have mostly only got to know today. Life was good to me, I guess.

It's been a few weeks since out little talk by the tree. Uni was considerably better with friends that I could call my own. Just yesterday, I got to witness first hand Tomoyo's spying expertise when she tagged along to a date between Naoko and the shy boy from her applied psychology class.

The sun had yet to rise when I was woken up by my phone ringing loudly on the bedside table. I groaned and banged a bit around for it until my hands finally came upon a solid and rectangular object. I flipped the cover open and press it to my ears, muttering about the loving world and people who interrupted other's sleep.

"Hello…?" I growl into the phone and got a cheerful laugh in reply.

"Hey, Sakura-chan, rise and shine! We have work to do! Up! Up!"

I moaned and flopped onto my stomach, speaking into the pillow after spying the clock beside me. It was only 6.30 a.m.! Nobody got up at 6.30 on Sunday mornings!

"Tomoyo …. It's only 6.30 for god's sake. I need sleep. You need sleep. We all need sleep. Go back to sleep." And with that I ended the call and fell back into unicorns and fluff balls.

I was woken up barely 3o seconds after by the ringing again. Damn Tomoyo and her persistence.

"What Tomoyo? "

"Get up now, Sakura. I need you for the spying mission today. We need to see if the guy's good enough for Naoko-chan and protect her from the willies of hormonal boys!"

I ran a hand through my hair and nearly hissed.

"Seriously? Tomoyo? That guy looked too demure to even harm a fly! I doubt he would do anything to Naoko-chan. He seems ok to me. I'm sure he's a fine enough. We shouldn't spy on somebody's dates, they are private matters."

"But Sakura~~~ This is Naoko's first date in years! We must be there to support her!"

I sighed and bowed down to the wiles of Tomoyo and promised to meet her half an hour later at the Tomoeda Mall.

Mom was going to be okay, she has been better recently. Much better. She had only had her fits twice this week! It was a great improvement. She's been sleeping peacefully recently, no nightmares though mine still came as often. Only now, it all had the brown-haired boy in it.

I left a note for her at the table along with some breakfast in the microwave and locked all harmful things in the bottommost drawer, closed off all the windows and made sure I bolt off the door before I went to meet Tomoyo. She would be okay for a few hours.

Taking the subway, I arrived at the mall's entrance a few minutes earlier than what I expected. Tomoyo was already there with a binoculars hanging from her neck and a video camera in her hand. I raised an eyebrow at this and gestured to her get up.

"What are these for?"

" To look more closely of course!" Tomoyo replied in a shockingly similar impersonation of the wolf in Little Red Riding Hood. She hohoho-ed her way into the mall and I followed her. It was still early and there was little flow as we walk around trying to find the couple.

"Tomoyo, are you sure they would even be here this early?" I asked as we peeked through the leaves of a potted plant. This is so not cool. I should be laying in my bed and waking up to the afternoon sun, not spying on my friends from a behind a potted plant!

" Shh! We have to be more discreet! Silence is the way of the ninja!"

I rolled my eyes at her and played along to her antics. What had Eriol ever seen in her really?

Just kidding. Tomoyo was as kind as angels when you really needed her. She's very selfless too. Eriol must be the luckiest guy on earth to have her.

Finally, we found Naoko-chan with the shy guy eating at a café and chatting happily. I had never seen Naoko-chan so animated and cheerful. It was as if she was glowing. This must what it is, to be talking to someone you like and like you back. I was envious of her for a moment. She had what I always wanted. Only I pushed mine away with my own hands and I was paying the price. Biting the inside of my cheeks, I turned away and tuned out Tomoyo's gushes of "how cute!" and "Oh, so much love!".

Indeed, so much love. It was beautiful. But it was something I would never have. I guess I was starting to sound whiny. It was my choice to end what little feeling Sy-Li would have for me, and my choice to force him away. I had made the choice so I should not regret it.

Only it was so hard. So, so hard to not mourn for the things that would have been mine. The love that I would have known had I not thrown it all away.

Finally, the sweet couple finished their meal and left for the movies. We followed them to the cinema and hid behind posters as they got the tickets and popcorns.

"Tomoyo, I don't think there is anything more to spy at. It'll be too dark in the cinema."

"Hush! The cinema's always the best place to spy. Besides, this video camera is the latest model from my mom and it has a night vision mode in it." She gushed excitedly from behind the stand –up poster of Kelvin the purple minion.

I gave her the white eye as I shook my head at the various products she got from her mother. Who needs night vision on a video camera anyway?

At last, we settled behind the couple as Tomoyo set up the video camera she had somehow sneaked in to face the couple who was enjoying the popcorn and whispering head to head, breaking apart to giggle at what one of them had said. I sighed and slumped into the chair, dunking my hand into the bucket and surfacing with a handful of golden brown crunchies to munch on as the romance-comedy droned on.

Trust Naoko-chan to choose a movie like this. Isn't the guy supposed to choose a horror movie for the first date? You know, for the cliché and all? So that the girl would clutch on to his shirt when it came to the scary part and all that.

Guess they aren't into clichés then?

At long last , I had gone through the whole two hours of the movie and didn't fall asleep which I congratulated myself for.

As we filed out of the cinema discreetly, afraid that the couple would notice us, I spotted an unruly mop of brown among the crowd and my heart got a hard squeeze.

Could that be who I thought it was?

Don't be silly Sakura. There are countless brunettes with that shade of brown, even if Syao-Li does have it too. I tried to shove it to the back of my mind as I followed Tomoyo while she continued stalking the happy couple. It seemed as if they were going window shopping.

We ended up at a book shop across a boutique. Naoko-chan and that shy-guy-who-doesn't-seemed-so-shy-anymore were browsing through titles from the fiction section.

I glanced around and spotted the mop of brown again and just couldn't stop my curiosity to see if it was Li. I wanted to see him again, though I do get to see him sometimes when I had the same class with him, but it was not enough.

I felt like a stalker worse than Tomoyo when I stare at him throughout the whole lesson as he chatted with Eriol or Chiaki. I watched the way he chatted animatedly when it was something interesting, laughed at the jokes someone had told him, listened attentively to whatever someone was saying and could still answer the professor's questions.

I always felt like a teenage girl in class as I watched him and felt myself blushed when he laughed. His laughs were gorgeous. It wasn't helping any with matter s of the heart though.

Softly I whispered to Tomoyo that I was going to look at the clothes at the boutique across and she nodded absentmindedly from behind a row of very explicit male pictures. A few passersby were looking at her strangely but she was oblivious to it all.

I made my way to the boutique and searched around for that mop of brown and choked as I found it by the row of woman 's clothing.

It was him. It was Li Syaoran.

But he was kissing a girl.

I felt as if a hand had closed around my windpipe and there wasn't enough hair. My vision had gotten blurry and something was filling up my eyes. I clutched at the place where it hurt and tried to rip out the piece that mattered.

It hurt.

Oh, god, it hurt.

Please.

Stop.

Stop kissing her!

I wanted to run away from it all but my legs wouldn't budge as if they were nailed to the floor. I couldn't take it and I was running out of air. I was suffocating.

Suddenly, I was startled from the feeling of falling as a hand patted my shoulder.

"Sakura? What are you doing standing here?" I heard Tomoyo's voice but as if it was still far away. The scene was seared into my mind and I couldn't turn off the repeats. The look of Syaoran's face as he bent a bit to pressed his lips to the girl's. The girl's blush as she kissed back with enthusiasm.

It hurt.

I turned away from Tomoyo and croaked out a lame excuse , " Tomoyo, I'm not feeling well. I-I…I have to go."

"Sakura-" she grabbed my wrist but I was stronger than her and I escaped with my heart in shatters and the tears that I was unable to stop, streaming down my face.

I reached home in a daze , tears still falling and checked up on my mom. She was still sleeping, the food untouched. She looked so peaceful as she slept, a complete opposite of the emotional turbulence I was feeling.

I closed the door to her room and went to mine. Finally able to sob my heart out into my plushie, the winged lion which my dad had given me on my twelve birthday.

How could he? How could he do this to me when he had just told me he loved me?

Why? Why did he do this?! Why?!

It felt as if he had taken a knife and ripped my heart out of my chest, flung it from a hundred floor building and still stomped on the pieces left from the shattering fall.

I curled up into a ball and cried while holding on to myself as if to keep myself whole. I felt broken and betrayed.

But he was free to do as he pleased. It wasn't like we were in any relationship. I had rejected him. He was the Uni's heartthrob and he had loads of girls flinging themselves onto him every second of the day. He had so many girls at his beck and call so what was one little Kinomoto Sakura? She was nothing, wasn't she?

She's just nothing.

It shouldn't matter to me this much.

But, oh god, why did it hurt so much?

* * *

Hi guys~ remember me? Haha, guess I have been away too long. So very sorry for the long wait. A lot of things happened.

I'll try to tie it all up soon but it'll still be a few chaps. Hope you guys are still up to it ^^

By the way, is there any Cassiopeia out there? Shout out to me if there is! I'm a Cassiopeia now and an OT5. For those who don't know what I'm talking about, go look for DBSK or any live stages of theirs ( the 5 people version). They are simply awesome singers. Try Love in the Ice or Why did I fall in love with you. Great songs!

See you real soon,

JenAr. XD


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